Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Bedside Manner....

My optometrist is really weird. Every time I go in he asks me where I'm going to school and what I'm doing, and I'm always like, "I go to University of Cincinnati, I'm studying Jazz Trombone." And he always has some stupid comment like, "Oh that's cool! I have a friend who never went to school for music but he plays all these different instruments!"

Everyone I meet has a friend who plays an instrument for fun, or has four degrees of seperation between them and a professional musician who isn't famous, anyway. Like, if I went to a doctor, and he was like, "Yeah, I'm good friends with this guy, Michael Brecker. Do you know him?" or "Yeah I'm Michael Brecker's doctor, doesn't it suck that he has cancer?" (although that would probably violate the doctor-patient confidentiality), then I might be interested. But otherwise, I don't care.

Do people do this to doctors, lawyers, and businessmen? "Oh yeah my sister's, best friend's fiancee is a lawyer." I don't think so.

To top it of, as my family doctor was poking and prodding me this afternoon, she said, "Yeah my grandpa used to play jazz drums back in the 50's, he still likes to go to his basement and play for fun." Great. I bet he sucks.

What is it about artist/musician types that people feel like they have to find some weird 6th degree of seperation to relate to us? Shut the fuck up and finish poking me with needles so I can get the hell out of here.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

"surreal world"

And once again I must touch on a running theme in my blogs and my life. That "Hey, wha happened?" feeling that I seem to have about my environment around me. Sometimes I feel like I get through weird experiences and adjustments by putting this "filter" up so I don't freak out at stuff.

I've been at home, with all the modern conveniences of home. Mom drags me to the mall to go shopping a lot, she likes that. I've been organizing all my crap, washing clothes, washing my car (it was suuuuuper dirty from this summer, inside and out), and trying to get things set up for the upcoming school year.

Mom and I have been getting along surprisingly well. I sort of freaked out when I found out she wanted me to visit relatives for a week and then be home for a week, but we haven't had any arguments yet. She bought me dark purple curtains for my bedroom to block out the sunlight, and a "sleep mate", a little machine that makes a "wooshing" noise and filters the air. It's supposed to block out a lot of outside noises. I wonder if it'll block out construction noise, drunk people at the biergarten next door, and my neighbor's domestic disputes. That would be way cool.

I decided to entirely forego my plans to go to Berlin next spring. By the time I would do all the extra German tutoring to pass the proficiency test, and would scrape together the money to go, I realized there would be little time to actually practice my horn this year. And the whole point of the the trip was to get better at trombone, so the process defeats the purpose.

Instead I'll stay in the states this year, I'm planning to record an audition CD for Sisters in Jazz when I get back to school, and audition for Disneyland (again), and pull some strings to get connected with a cruise ship band. And practice a lot, as always.

Oh! And I have a new resolution for this school year: I'm going to stay organized! Ok guys, please don't fall on the floor. I'm getting a hanging file box for all my papers, instead of letting them pile up on my desk. And I'm going to keep bills and receipts, and balance my checkbook so I don't overdraw my account ever again. And I'm going to get one of those big planners with the hours of the day for every day, so I can plan my day out instead of sleeping till noon and wasting lots of time.

One thing that has changed. I really enjoyed sobering up this summer, I cleared my head and generally feel better, so I probably won't be going out and getting shitfaced all the time like before. It's a goal of mine to not go to class drunk/hungover all the time this year. But you guys know how well I do with peer pressure......

Anyway, I was going to move back Sunday, August 4th, but now it's been moved back to Saturday, August 3rd. I do look forward to returning, but life will be so different.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

this summer

Gah, it's finally time for me to break down and write a post on what my summer was like. I'll start out by saying, this post won't do it justice, nor will any explanation I can give, this experience is hard to explain to anyone who hasn't been through it themselves.

This summer I went through a week and a half of camp counselor orientation, which consisted of ice-breakers, child behavioral psychology lectures, and team building activities.

Four two-week sessions taking care of girls. Sessions I and IV were eleven year olds, sessions II and III were fourteen year olds. Each age group presented their own set of challenges. Ok, I won't fluff it up, the fourteen year olds were fine, the eleven year olds were a huge pain in the ass.

This summer I hiked an average of three miles a day with my trombone on my back. I developed a huge sweet tooth and an affinity for smores and cheesy crackers with peanut butter. I kicked the drinking, the smoking, the cell phone, the tv and the computer. I learned how warm and amazing other people can be, and that people at school can be cold and carry a lot of pretense. I jammed with the jazz faculty, and played in some mediocre ensembles with other counselors. I became a morning person, and would be on the beach by 8 am with my cup of coffee. I practiced trombone outside every day. I colored care bears pictures, read, and wrote letters in my free time. I found love.......

I found passionate, totally requited, don't-hold-back love. I found love-scene motion picture sound track love. I found "he really is that into you" love. I found change-your-life-forever love. I found love that electrifies your entire body. I found love that makes one want to burst over with emotion like a volcano.

I was intrigued the day I met him, and was smitten within a week. And here's the thing: after all the weird, screwup relationships I've been in, one doesn't expect feelings to be reciprocated. But he was smitten too. I could never explain all the fun we had, all the experiences we've shared. There may never be another chapter, as we are now seperated by three time zones. Which absolutely kills me. But regardless of what the future holds, the most important thing is that now I know what true love is. I know what it feels like to be in love, and to be loved, and I know that all things that came before were an illusion. I've never felt this way about anyone. ever.

Although I have only been gone for two months, they say that you can't go home again, and I believe that it's true. Although, I'm sure, Cincinnati has remained the same, I have changed too much. I was so excited and longed for the craziness of clifton all summer, but now that the day draws near, I feel a lot of apprehension.