Broken New Year's Resolution

A good friend of mine and I made a new years resolution pact: staying away from boys for professional and mental health reasons. I didn't do a very good job. Neither did she. I think it's ok though.

To my defense, how does one turn down a good looking, well-dressed, polite, mild-mannered gentlemanly guy asking me out for sushi? Someone who can relate to the burning desire for the creative process inside my heart? I may be a career bitch, but if there is one thing I have learned, I am not made of ice. Everything is not as it seems. Pardon me for jumping the gun, but he is really a fabulous guy. We have much to talk about. he is so nice. I was really beginning to think the only thing I enjoyed anymore was the writing process, practicing, performing, new musical opportunities, but the workaholic bug is gone. Commissions lay untouched, finished music lays unrevised, dishes and laundry pile up, it doesn't concern me like it used to. I am more interested in watching movies, playing with cats, going to the bar. Watching too much tv, leaving mutes and other shiny objects in my car, placing knives sharp side up in the dish drainer, falling asleep in front of the tv. Blasting Bamboleo in my car. Being politically correct. Newly appreciated by friends and untouched by criticism, I finally enjoy cooking again. I am not practicing enough, I am auditioning at Eastman in two weeks. Maybe I was in the wrong place and it was easy to put the blinders on? Maybe January is just slow? Maybe I am capable of living a normal life?

An old friend recently got back in touch with me (props reggie I know you read this!!!). I think the world of him musically and personally. We are talking making a BIG MOVE to the east coast together, but everything is still so up in the air. What if I decide for professional or personal reasons want to stay here? I'm enjoying my life here right now. What if I visit Chicago or LA and like it? What if Legend Vega makes it (yeah that's a real iiiiiiffff)? The closer I get to graduating, the less sure I am of what I want. But even if I don't go and hardcore push a music career, NYC has been in my mind for so long... everything is upside down, but not necessarily bad.

On the gig side the same old thing... subbing for people, kissing ass. Dayton Jazz Orchestra is still fairly regular, the Tropicana decided not to renew their contract with Cincylatino, so Son Del Caribe is s.o.l. for now. A few things coming up with Legend, possibly a trip to Detroit? I'll believe it when I see the contract.

A side note for those of you residing in the 'nati: Legend Vega is doing a show at the Havana Martini club this Wednesday from 9-10:30. Be there or be a big loser.

New Beginnings

I returned to Cincinnati on January 1st very exhausted, to a cold, rainy world and a lonely lonely lonely apartment, having turned down two weeks worth of gigs, and worried about losing many more. But good luck and good work seems to fall out of the sky when I need it, as well as encouragement from reappearing and new friends.

I have probably had more of a social life in the past seven days than I have had in the past two years.

Dayton Jazz Orchestra did an excellent reading of some of my music Thursday, and people enthusiastically talk of publishing, as well as asking to buy copies of my big band music. I will start pushing my work on companies when I finish school.

I have to take 18 credit hours this quarter to graduate on time.

Puerto Rico was a wonderful place to visit, but not a place to live. They have the tightest, loudest and most macho bands I have ever played with, a beautiful rainforest, the world's largest radio telescope, and a corrupt government and infrastructure. But the people have a real sense of historic and cultural pride, and pride in their local arts and music, bomba and plena is real and tangible to them, salsa and merengue is on almost every FM radio station, it's the equivalent of every american loving our appalachian folk music tradition, blues and gospel, and jazz. Not left to hipsters and ethnomusicoligists there, it really is the music of the people. Everyone was very friendly, I had a great trip.

The trip did not help me heal, but only suspended feelings which I had to deal with upon returning to Cincinnati. But I am eager to dive back into my work, I will be leaving the city within the year, with many possibilities on the horizon. New York is often on my mind.

Although I am not ready for it, I have taken up a date offer I can't refuse for the next week. I would prefer to hole up in my apartment and practice and write for a few months, and repair my life in solitude, but friends never cease to pop up and drag me out for fun. Probably the most healthy thing.