I have to go play trombone with a bunch of people who don't like me now.

Whatever happened to "Just be yourself?"

My quirky personality has brought me a few very close, very wonderful friends during my past couple years here in the Nati. And I am grateful. But it has also caused me to feel completely alienated in my program.

For you readers who don't know, I'm a member of a tight-knit jazz program of fifty or so good friends. I am part of it, but not so much in some ways.

People whom I would love to get to know come in every day and casually and happily say hi to each other and are chatty and fun, and as soon as I'm present, it's a simple, cold, "Hey."

I go to Roh's street, or the occasional Chipotle with them, and no one really says anything to me. It's as if I'm invisible.

I open my mouth to join the conversation, and get weird looks more often than anything else.

I'm sure they talk about me behind my back, as well.

Well, the jazz department always seems to be so full of gossip.

"Just be yourself" is great if you have a personality palatable to others.

There are probably a dozen or so entries similar to this one in my former blog, but it feels like such a recurring theme in my life.

It sounds immature until you have lived it.

Not to be ostracized from a seemingly essential group of people for your gender, language, creed or color of you skin, but to simply be ostracized because you are annoying/weird/have an odd personality. Something we can allegedly change and control. Something that shouldn't be an issue at this age. Sounds like high school all over again, huh?

It wouldn't matter except that I have ALL my classes with these same fifty people, as well as all my ensembles, see them every day in the practice rooms, and hope to have gigs with them in the future.

And that I like these fifty or so people.