The Five-Year Plan

So it's probably a silly concept to have a "five-year plan" in mind when only 19 years old, and an aspiring musician at that, because things are always subject to change. My "five-year plan" is really just a loose set of things I want to do in the next five years. The thing on the top of my list was to go study with Jiggs Whigham. This week has only reaffirmed that he is one of the most amazing teachers and players I have ever had the pleasure to work with.

Only I found out yesterday that my goal to study with him in Berlin is probably not feasible. He has recently decided to retire next June.

When I first heard the news, I bawled my eyes out and wanted to quit school, quit music (although I've been having those thoughts a lot all year). A lot of that is just the ever-mounting frustration at my situation, in a school that has a way of sucking the life out of everything we do, under the instruction of Marc Fields, with whom I would rather not study anymore. Jiggs has an amazing spirit and an amazing way of bringing out the best in everyone's playing, and the fact that he will not be able to take me as a student is devastating.

So the past twenty-four hours, I'm trying to come to accept the fact that he's getting older and probably needs to retire (he runs a very grueling schedule), and that sometimes these things just happen. I should probably just enjoy the time I've worked with him this week, and not try to cling so hard to the future.

But now that things have gone all topsy-turvy, I need to rethink my life and the things I want to do in the next few years. My plan was to go to Berlin for study-abroad in the summer of 2006, and then in my senior year apply for as many grants, scholarships and loans as I could to go back on a student visa after I graduate. I didn't seriously consider any other options, and maybe it's my mistake for not keeping things more open. Maybe I should even consider some non-musical possibilities! I could:

Play trombone on a cruise ship
Work as a bartender
Work as a stripper
Go golddigging and marry a rich guy
Open a yarn store

So many options!

(yes I know I shouldn't be so cynical)

Or I could just try going east or west and see if people will actually pay me to play trombone.

(yes I know I should have a better attitude about it)

I'm not even sure at this point that I want to pursue studying German anymore. Yeah, I could try to go for a few months on a study abroad thing, try the beer, take some pictures, but I'm not sure it's as big of a priority to me anymore. And the language is alright, but I think I'd rather learn French and go back to Paris if given the choice.

Other than that, life has been crazy as always. I feel incredibly scatterbrained and hate it. Next year in September, I'm really going to make the effort to get my life in order: organize all my stuff, plan out a daily schedule and stick to it, etc etc. I feel like I would be more productive and less frazzled if my life and my stuff in my apartment weren't all such a mess. I love showing up to lab band rehearsal only to realize I forgot my trombone. And being late for every class, every day.

I also need to find the motivation to be a better protagonist in my life and my musical pursuits. i.e. going to jam sessions, more organized and focused practice time, getting a band together, being more willing to play with people, actively seeking out a weekly gig for myself.

Attitude and lifestyle adjustments are really essential if I want to get anywhere with this.

Oh yeah, and I guess I need to start looking at other grad schools, too.